Overcoming Blame & Criticism in Intimate Relationship

It's very easy in relationships to recognise the changes that your partner "should" make, especially in times of tension, conflict, and hurt.

Pointing this out to your partner rarely goes well. It often creates distance, division, and conflict. Despite the fact this rarely works, people often continue this behaviour, letting others know what they did wrong, how their tone, words, and their attitude were wrong, and informing them of how they need to be different.

Unconditional love is “The radical acceptance of somebody exactly as they are, WITHOUT needing them to be different”. Wanting your intimate partner to be different is the act of being Unloving.

Can you see why this causes so much pain for people? Receiving the opposite of love, from the person who’s committed to loving you. 

Repeating this pattern keeps you trapped in cycles of unlove, constantly causing each other pain and hurt, both wanting each other to change, or be different.

When you know how to switch your attention from what your partner should change, to what you can change, transformation happens.

Feeling the hurt, pain, and discomfort rising in your body is the place to begin your inquiry. Seeking the deepest truth, despite how uncomfortable it may be,  about your feelings, behaviour, and expectations. This is where you can make real change.

It's often the last thing that you will want to do. 

I know all too well, how strong the desire is to continue to judge, blame, and criticise. I see it in myself, and my clients, staying in the desire for the other to change can be intoxicating.

However, when I’m willing to face the excruciatingly painful places within, feeling the difficult feelings, and making the internal adjustments I get to experience liberation and love.

By turning within, instead of “on” my partner, I set myself free of the desire for them to change, and create a deeper experience of love and connection.  I’m being responsible for how I am showing up. And I leave my partner free, I am trusting him to see how I feel and choose whether or not to adjust how he’s being. I trust him to do his part in our co-creation of love. I trust his commitment to growth.

This is how you become empowered in your relationships. You are empowered through choice. No longer hostage to how your partner is being. It's in the space of freedom, trust, and love.. that true transformation can happen.

This creates a deeper experience of love and trust between two people and a profound feeling of intimacy.

If you feel inspired to create this in your intimate relationship,  learn more in our course, Pathway to Love: A Journey of Embodiment.